OPEN LETTER TO MUTALIK LEADER OF SHRI RAM SEN

Dear Mr Mutalik,
We would like to take this opportunity to apologise on behalf of all womankind for having marked our protest against your noble gesture.
We were not aware of the magnanimity of your actions because we were impaired by the beating we got in the pub that day.
Had it not been for your fellow companions who beat some sense into us, we would not have known what Indian culture meant.
It's only the women who missed this thrashing that dared to send those unmentionable pink nothings to you. Violence, as you made clear, is truly an inherent part of our rich culture.
We feel deeply ashamed that these women resorted to such depravities as drinking or even visiting a pub.
Your threat to marry of all couples celebrating Valentine's Day has finally made it obvious to all that marriage is the answer to everything.
We profusely thank you for voicing your protest against these immoral western deviations. But nevertheless we'd like to humbly pose a few questions put forth by our ignorant sisters who still think that women have rights.
Please forgive us for the same.
Here are their questions:

1. Why are you so afraid of Valentines Day?
2. Why are you gifting us saris - the most sensuous form of attire - that shows off more than what a jeans & tees will ever?
3. Would you have preferred if we gifted you bangles instead?
4. How are we defaming ourselves by sending you pink chaddis?
5. Do only women have to follow Indian culture?
6. Why are men allowed to embrace western culture? Shouldn't men wear lungis, kurtas then?
7. Have you received Jihadi training? Is that why you are for the Talibisation of Indian culture?

Thank you and sorry for having taken up the valuable time you could have utilised in perpetrating more violence on uncultured women.

Jai Ho!